Figuring out how to pray with your spouse can be hard, but the reward is beyond measure! Praying together will enable both of you to live out the vocation God has called you to (marriage!) more fully and completely.
For many of us, prior to marriage, prayer was a private exchange between you and God alone. Because of this, praying out loud and with another person may seem awkward, scary, or even embarrassing.
In this blog post, I’m going to share five beginner tips for couples who want to start praying together. Keep in mind that these are just starting points I’ve come up with based on my own experiences. My husband and I have been married for about three years, so we’re still in the beginning stages of learning to pray together. You also don’t need to wait until your married to start praying together!
I really love Elizabeth Clare’s blog post on how she and her husband, who have a few more years of experience, pray together: “How to Start Praying With Your Husband.” I definitely recommend reading that post as well!
If you’re interested in how my husband and I began praying together, here are the things that helped us get the ball rolling!
Tip 1
Pick out a devotional on a topic you’re both passionate about and read it together. Currently, my husband and I are reading “The Family Fully Alive: Building the Domestic Church,” which has monthly devotions to read with your spouse. We chose this because we’re both passionate about enriching our family life. Plus, reading together once a month is more realistic for us than reading together daily or even weekly. It’s available in PDF format for download here, but there are plenty of other devotionals on a variety of topics out there to choose from!
P.S. Many Catholic churches have free religious reading materials placed in the church or parish office for parishioners to take home. Ask your staff or usher where to locate them. The materials are usually paid for by the Diocese and are included in its budget, so don’t be shy about taking them home! We always take advantage of these free books, CDs, magazines, etc!
Tip 2
Learn to pray the Rosary and then pray it together on a regular basis. The rosary is one of the first prayers my husband and I leaned on to begin praying together as a couple. Praying a structured prayer like the rosary lifted the pressure off of us to come up with the right words or say the right thing while praying together. You can learn to pray the rosary here. We suggest that you try out taking turns leading each decade.
Tip 3
Download a Catholic app on both of your phones. My husband and I both have the Laudate app on our phones. If I come across a prayer or an article on the app that I enjoyed, I can easily share it with my husband. Another idea is to subscribe to a Catholic newsletter together, like Aleteia. Being in touch with the same Catholic media is a great way to spark faith-centered conversations with your spouse.
Tip 4
Register for email reminders to pray a nine-day Novena. A novena consists of nine days of prayer and meditation, usually tied with a specific prayer request or feast day. Catholic couple John-Paul and Annie Deddens started the ministry “Pray More Novenas” after facing their own challenges praying together.
On their site, John-Paul tells this story about praying with his wife:
A while back, my girlfriend (now she’s my wife!) asked me to pray the Immaculate Conception Novena with her. I declined because I knew I would forget to pray every day. As I thought about my response, I realized that it really wasn’t good enough and I set out to create something to help me to remember to pray.
John-Paul, Pray More Novenas
Now, you and your spouse can sign up to pray a novena together and get daily email reminders with the novena prayers right in the body of the email. Sign up to pray a novena with your spouse here.
Tip 5
Go to church together. And last but not least, the hallmark of our joint prayer life as husband and wife—weekly Sunday mass. Mass is one of the richest prayers a person can pray. When we go to church as a family on Sunday, together we honor our God in the Most Blessed Sacrament.
Encouragement for Praying With Your Spouse
Praying together as a couple helps you and your spouse recognize Christ’s presence in your relationship. I love this interpretation of the wedding at Cana that highlights Christ’s presence among married couples:
On the threshold of his public life Jesus performs his first sign—at his mother’s request—during a wedding feast. The Church attaches great importance to Jesus’ presence at the wedding at Cana. She sees in it the confirmation of the goodness of marriage and the proclamation that thenceforth marriage will be an efficacious sign of Christ’s presence.
CCC 1613
Learning to pray together early on can also help prepare you and your spouse to lead your own “domestic church” when the time arrives to hand on your faith to your children or any other members of your community God calls you to minister to as a married couple.
I hope these starter tips for praying with your husband/wife encourage you to begin creating a solid foundation of prayer in your marriage. Please share your own tips and what has worked for you in the comments so we can try them out too!
Blessings,
Isabella